make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize