Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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