i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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