I think my fart just growled at me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
