awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
