Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
