The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
