we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
