Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
