So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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