it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
