he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
