Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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