I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
