he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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