im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
