taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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