he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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