Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
