I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
