I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
