Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
