I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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