If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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