I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
