worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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