dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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