So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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