I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And then he peed in my hair
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