she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
