I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
