Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
