dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
