i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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