Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize