we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Less talking, more tequila
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
