I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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