You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
