saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
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