he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
