it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
