im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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