Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
