Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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