like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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