sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
