I got chris browned last night
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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