dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
