i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
