youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
