Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
