You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
