I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
A bitchslap is in order.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
