She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
