Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
only if we run a train.
done.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
