yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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