I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
