If i come over, it means nothing
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
