I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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