so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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