He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
