I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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