Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
