If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
