i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
