So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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