I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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