just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
did i walk over a car last night?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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