u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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