forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's blow job season.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
